Cue the exhale heard ’round the world! I didn’t realize that I was as nervous as I was until we got here.
Really, there’s been no need to be nervous, everything has been progressing beautifully! Around 8 weeks, ultrasound revealed a couple pencil point-sized blood clots in my uterus. Our doctor wasn’t too concerned, but suggested 7-10 days of “light duties.” Initially, I was delighted to comply! A few days of hanging out sounded awesome… Except that it wasn’t. I was bored, and whiny and dependent on Schmoopy for everything. God help us all if I ever were to end up on bed rest! If you’re listening, universe, let’s not go there! Luckily, by the next ultrasound, everything looked good and I was able to go back to life as usual. Mom and Dad opted for IPS testing, which is really not a huge procedure, an extra ultrasound (yay!) and 2 blood draws. We have yet to complete the second, but I’m not sweating it. Every time we see their beautiful baby, it is beyond words. It’s totally different than seeing my own kids, this is (in my mind) the definition of a miracle. A little science, a lot of heartache, some snacks and here we are!
This week, we officially transitioned to the care of our team of midwives, and I couldn’t be happier! Now, this pregnancy has entered MUCH more familiar territory for me and selfishly, I am relieved. Pregnancy has never been this “medical” in my experience, and I feel like going from zero to IVF was really overwhelming. Most people who get to IVF have been through more steps in their fertility journey, but I feel like we were thrown in to the deep end! Now that we’re in familiar waters, I feel much more relaxed. A couple days ago, we heard the comforting chugging of a racing little heart for the first time and time just seemed to stop. Hearing my own always made me cry, but watching someone else go through that was a privilege in the most literal sense of the word. This whole journey has been a privilege for us.
Unfortunately, it’s not all sunshine and puppies in the surrogacy world, our regular lives continue. Schmoop’s grandfather died (on S’s birthday!), our littles battled a crazy virus, I hurt my wrist and ended up in a precautionary cast for a week (luckily the damage they saw was an old break, and I was freed) and our poor old dog is nearing the end of his days…But through all the storms, we have each other to cling to and we have really emerged stronger from 4 weeks of all out madness. I’m hoping that we can coast for a while, but as we all know, life often has other plans. For now, we’ll just do our best to enjoy the relative calm.
We also told our families about this journey about a month ago, and the responses were incredible. Most of the women in my family had experienced infertility to one degree or another or miscarriages along the way so everyone was supportive, enthusiastic and proud of what we’re doing here. Everyone, would seem, it except my father. He wasn’t there when we told my mother and so she told him later that evening. He has not really spoken directly to me since, even when we spent a weekend in close proximity. I can understand that there may be confusion/concern, this is unfamiliar territory, but I am also not going to chase people to get on board. This is already happening and I have to respect that some people won’t/can’t understand or may need more time. If he has issues with our decision, I wish he would discuss them with us directly, but if the silent treatment is his chosen path, fine by me. It will resolve itself or it won’t… I will just hope for now that if or when we see one another, things are civil.
From here, it just becomes a matter of grow baby, grow! This little peach is loving smoothies and potatoes at the moment, which is particularly funny because Mom HATES potatoes. If we didn’t KNOW, she’d be questioning parentage! Baby also continues to be very merciful, I’ve had no morning sickness and actually no real symptoms whatsoever beyond a little bit of nausea a couple times and the 8-11 week exhaustion…Which I think is pretty standard. The next big hurdles we have are telling the littles – I feel this will be easy, but we do have a social worker at the ready if we need help – and the midway ultrasound. Mom and Dad are on the fence about finding out the sex, and I can totally understand. If they decide to do it, I’m going to suggest that they find out without me. They’ve had to share every moment so far, and while they’re very involved, I think they deserve to have at least one thing JUST for them. They can tell me when they’re ready after sharing with their families, or they can choose not to. My official prediction is girl, just based on how I feel compared to my previous pregnancies, but we’ll all find out one way or another.
One day, I suppose I’ll have to share this blog with Mom and Dad so that they can see the other side of their story, but for now… I’m enjoying having a way to record this for myself. Considering that this has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, being able to go back and re-experience it will be priceless later on, when memories fade. So, when you’re here Mom and Dad, hi! We adore you and the little one! Sorry I didn’t tell you about the positive tests right away, I feel guilty that once you read this you’ll know I knew before you. It was all for good cause though! xox