Legal-ese and Baby Dreamin’

The day of our medical testing, everything went GREAT!  Bloodwork was good (needed some iron, so supplementing that at the moment), ultrasound was great, and the hysteroscopy was even better.  Apparently, my uterus “couldn’t be more perfect.”  This, I knew, but still, it’s fun to brag about!  The fertility doc gave me the go ahead to call mom and tell her, which was beyond exciting – after years of  “no,” I was the first to give them a yes.  The call was fraught with emotion, energy and all the beautiful possibilities… It was amazing being able to be the one to tell them that we were able to move to the next step!

The hurdles are moving closer together and we are leaping over them very quickly.  Next, we have the psychiatric evaluation, which I’m finding to be more intimidating than expected.  In my mind, I’m well aware that I’m probably NOT a lunatic, but yet I worry about making a good impression!  This is really the last person who has a say, so it’s really important that I’m ready to rock this thing.  I’m sure we’ll do fine – did I mention Schmoopy had to participate in the 2 HOUR session?  Because, yes, he does.  Our sense of humour could cause issues if we’re not careful… There are few filters in this house.

Lastly, the contract.  It should be done tonight, so tomorrow we have to leap that hurdle as well.. What fun!  Really, tomorrow will be a big deciding factor in this journey.  I think that I’m more nervous about tomorrow than even transfer day!  So far, I just know in my heart that transfer day will be a success, especially with their top quality embryos, and my rock star uterus (shameless uterus shoutout!).  What to expect with that, who the hell knows.  It’s impossible to find even a “sample” type document online, so we’re not sure what to expect.  Luckily, Mom and Dad are flexible with contents, and so are we, which means that things should move along smoothly. Fingers crossed that we’ll have this wrapped up by Friday and then we can move on to fun things like drugs and transfers – and ice cream!

Mom has started letting herself dream a little, she admitted the other day when she came by to see us that she even looked at nursery furniture.  When she admitted this, it truly put the whole journey we’re about to embark upon into perspective.  Here is a strong, capable, loving, beautiful woman who has had to deny herself the joy of dreaming about a baby.  It was heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time.  Now, I’m trying to deny MYself the joy of dreaming about the look on their faces when Mom and Dad see their baby, the moment they hold that beautiful baby and finally exhale.  That’s the moment I will be living for in the next few months.  So now, we wait some more.

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Testing, Testing… Is this thing on?

All of a sudden, things seem to be exploding.  In a couple days, we will go to Mom and Dad’s clinic for the fun of medical testing.  Truth be told?  I’m nervous.  Really nervous.  It’s not because of what we’ll be doing, it’s like having babies, all the “what if”s.  What if I’m medically disqualified?  What if I’m not and we can move forward?  How will Mom and Dad take it if this falls apart here?  Are we ready for this journey?  Is there any way to BE ready for this?  What happens in the next step, the contract? What the hell if?!  Then there are all the unknowns…

Mom and I had a quick chat last night and she says that her lawyer and the clinic agree, the contract is the worst, most awkward part.  Ugh.  I just want to sit back and let my lawyer do the dirty work there, so that I can enjoy the great relationship we’ve begun without the awkwardness.  I don’t like financial negotiations at all.  Canadian laws regarding surrogacy are quite a grey area, so it’s critical that whomever I work with is well-versed and capable of keeping things fair on both sides.

Next, there’s my family.  We’ve planted the seed, so to speak, on several occasions – even before we knew Mom and Dad.  Over Christmas, I brought it up several times, that we would consider surrogacy and that we had friends struggling to conceive and carry a baby who would need one.  Everyone kind of laughed it off, but I made it clear that we were serious.  Unfortunately, I feel that this is irrelevant, because I still don’t think they took me seriously. We’ll need to tell them at some point, but right now there’s no rush.  My father’s reaction will likely be more confusion than anything, as though it’s some sort of weird science, and my mother will be worried about my health.  More than anything, I fear having motives questioned.  Here’s the motive: I can do something that she can’t and desperately wants.  I want to help them.  Simple.

Finally, I’m worried about the relationship with Mom and Dad.  I adore them so much and want so badly to get to know them more, and add them to our family.  I want to know them AFTER this is all said and done.  I want them to be happy, and to WANT to stay in touch.  It would be nice if, at the very least, they become like distant relatives who we send Christmas cards to, and see occasionally.  They live no more than an hour away and are in our town regularly, so even connecting for coffee once a year would be better than nothing.  In the most perfect scenario (based on right now), we would stay close friends and talk regularly.  I don’t want the surrogacy to be the sole source of our relationship, because I think that in other circumstances we would have connected as friends regardless.

It seems that things are coming together, and I find myself stuck in a sort of nervous/excited/overwhelmed/terrified/ecstatic flux that is virtually unending.  If this is life before the hormones start, I really don’t know how crazy this will all get.  The commitment is enormous, the trust that Mom and Dad are putting into me (us!) is beyond measure, and to be able to change their lives this way is nothing short of miraculous.  So now, we wait.